Monday, November 10, 2008

Pardon my French.....

Caution; the following contains a few sherwood-isms

So this is a brief view of what my life is: tonight emily came over like usual and was gonna watch Heroes (a pretty cool show by the bye) with us. We got about ten minutes into the show when i feel the urge to use the loo. i leave the den and go into the bathroom. I shant go into too much detail but i was finished doing what i came to do and then i looked around. it is easy for one to see an out of place addition; it is dificult for one to notice the missing article. I was devoid of TP. This is not unique to me, it has happened all across the world....and yet at that moment i felt so very very alone. I had no options to pursue, no avenues to venture down....i was trapped. luckily just at that moment i realized i had in my pants the key to my salvation. I could be vindicated by the phone in the pants around my ankles. I pulled out my cell phone and sent a text to my saving grace Matt. ME; you should bring me some toilet paper. I sent the message and looked at the phone in my hand; it was a sight of sweet salvation sent to save a soul in a sad sad state. The reply text took me off guard. MATT: next commercial.


The rage in my soul cannot be described in mere words; the cry of a banshee is most comparable. I would wait. There was nothing else i could do. I sat and sat and waited. ME: you are a bad man. MATT: it happens. Ten minutes go by and still nothing. ME: dude come on MATT: we fast forwarded through that commercial. i'll get ya next time around. The aching numbness of prolonged presence on on porcelain is paralizing my legs. I wait. ME: there is a special spot in hell for people like you sir. MATT: don't distract me its a really intense part. what a jerk. ME: this makes me want to vomit on your head sir. MATT: just one moment. My roommate is a sonuvabitch.


It was THIRTY MINUTES from initial sit to the final zip. matt brought me the TP after the sodding episode was over. that is a special kind of twisted mean. Matthew Alder Platt is an insufferable bastard and there is no other way to say it.


Here is another fun story i forgot to tell: Jon Schmidt came to town. He is a famous piano player if you didn't know. Any hoo he was super fun.

Most people take pictures with jon schmidt....jon schmidt takes pictures with bryan and tanner.

these two are hillarious. they make me feel at home again. (notice they are signing autographs)

this is joe, byan, tanner, me, tiffany, wendy, jon schmidt and joyce.

11 comments:

Kathleen said...

This is halarious! Matt.... well what can I say. Funny funny story. Your readers are going to get a kick out of it for sure!
p.s. Being prepared is not a virtue to be ignored.:)

Tina said...

Sherwood-isms???? I think he was just plain old calling your mother names!

Rylee said...

I was expecting a few more shits and hells. But oh my gosh I couldn't stop laughing. For sure the funniest post yet.

Smiths said...

Fantastic..loved it.

Kates said...

Oh racer, sitting on the potty when your done with business is no fun. I have tried to stay in there to read and I just can't do it. It hurts! Matt is funny though, you have to admit. Does he have a blog? I would like to hear his side of the story.

Markee said...

we can't stop laughing, that is classic!! Hilarious and so mean on Matt's part

The Tanner and Bryan Experience said...

Race Davis, I can't stop laughing. That is the funniest story that has reached my ears in nigh unto 2 months

Jayderaid said...

That was really mean of Matt. Jon Schmidt is a cool guy. I lived by him for two years and babysat his small children. Race I love your pictures. Put some more up. Who are the two boys signing autographs? haha

Chelsee said...

not really sure what to say! I am laughing way to hard!

Dan said...

haha wow race! that type of experience definitely gives one the desire to strangle the he*l out of someone who calls you a friend!---matt platt in this case! glad you made it out alive...and without too much rectal chaffage!

wendy jo said...

BAHAHAHAHA! when i see Matt Platt, i am going to shake his hand and then laugh a lot.