Monday, January 5, 2009

The Dreaded Ham-Foot

Its been a while since my last post. Quick sum-up: Christmas, Food, Babies, Mexican Train, Snow, Ticket to Ride.

Whew, I feel better

In there you will notice i mention food. The day after Christmas my Aunt Tonna's family came over for dinner and brought funeral food; Scalloped Potatoes, Ham, Corn, Rolls and so on. As a born and bred Arizona Mormon (double whammy) i have eaten this meal hundreds of times. Its delicous and one of my favorites. I devoured the meal with my usual haste, quantities, and vigor. I thought nothing of the meal until that night.

I awoke from my sleep in a panic. I had to get those dang gloves off. But then i realized my hands didn't have gloves on them, they had swelled up to Andre the Giant size. I tried to make a fist. My fingers were so swollen that my fingers couldn't bend to touch my palm. I fell asleep again and upon waking in the morning (or as my family calls it 'afternoon') told everyone of my swollen saga. By this point my feet were slightly swollen as well but mostly they were ITCHY! I scratched and scratched.

Ya know when you jump off of something tall and your feet hurt/tingle on impact? It feels like that all the time.

By the evening my strange illness had left and i was ready for a round of left-overs. I ate again (not stopping to think that maybe something i had eaten had caused the odd reaction) and then that evening the same thing happened. All the week long i tried to decide what had caused my affliction, to no avail.

But all along the culprit was pork; bacon for breakfast? itch and swelling for lunch baby.

Aunt Tonna's Pork and beans for dinner? Pure hell for a midnight snack.

After a few days i began breaking out in hives and having much more sever swelling and itchiness. I took doctor hamblin's advice and started eating a bland-ish diet to try and pinpoint the satanic swelling substance. Not until today did i know it was pork (probably the Nitrates in the pork in reality.) I had a hot dog for lunch.....DUN DUN DUN HAM FOOT STRIKES AGAIN! I thought it was over with but it was indeed, as my mother surmised, a case of pork reaction...better know as Ham Foot.

I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy....Ok maybe i would, but he totally has it coming.
It is a trifecta of swelling, itchiness and hotdog deprivedness.
Its one of the unwritten plauges of ancient egypt.

I'm considering converting to Judaism. They had a good idea with that 'no pork' bussiness.

Here are a few pictures i took of my hands and feet during the infestation/smiting.


The Tanner and Bryan Experience said...

WHAT?! That might be the most bizarre thing to happen to someone of my acquaintance. I laugh every time I look at those pictures of your feet. You remind me of the people on WallE

Kates said...

Ok really race, I thought those were your feet and hands for real! I remember the itchiness you had while we were there. It was so funny, not for you but it was for us. No more weenies for you!

reece said...

Maybe you should try Islam with your black market communist assault rifle and not eating pork you'll fit right in.

Chelsee said...

Holy Pork!

Tina said...

I need to know if this REALLY happened!

Josh and Kirsty Baldon said...

Oh my! Ya ham foot does not look fun! Oh Yeah I am addicted to ticket to ride- Aunt Ellen got me hooked!

Jayderaid said...

I know that swelling and itching really happened but those are not your feet!!! haha

wendilla! said...

Race, i just don't even know if i can believe this.