Friday, March 20, 2009

Ode to Nellie Lee and In the Army Now.....

Oh Nellie Lee, that wonderful, wonderful hall! My soul sings sweet suplication to thy shining, shimering ramparts! Your lofty rooms of filth fill my breast with the most passionate of longings. Away! from home and mother! I need nothing else when i have you! No love, nourishment or actual mattress could compare with you! How could it be so? You have cockraoches, clogged toilets and smelly baseball players! Aye! It is nellie lee for me, or the cold hand of death. Drugs! Profanity! Prepubescent Attitudes toward class and Neanderthal thoughts on women! Oh My dearest Nellie and her inhabitants, i would be a sad shell of a son my mother without your glowing, engulfing promulgatiions of hell on earth!

Sorry about that.

Its all out of my system.

Sometimes my life equation goes like this: anger + sleep deprivation + terrrible living conditions = sarcastic bitter quasi-psudeo-faux shakespeare-like rantings. You don't do that?

Hmmm.....your weird.

Most of this stems from what has happened to me the last few nights. The fire alarm in Nellie Lee is on the Hans (I wanted to say on the Fritz but decided to spice things up with another Germanic sounding name. I considered Gunter of Frans but changed me mind) but as i said its on the Hans and that means fire alarm blaring at 5 a.m. This has happened three times. I was just lying there minding my business, sleeping (dreaming of getting a mission call to Chihuahua by the bye) and then a screech so unearthly i though the demons of hell had risen from Beelzebub's very presence to rack my life with eternal torment. I then heard coach schuler (the dumbeldor of nellie lee if you will (which is a metaphor paramount to being the principal of an insane asylum)) coming down the hall and telling everyone to get out. I ran out in yesterdays jeans and nothing else. We waited outside til the alarm was shut off, roll was taken and then we were all sent back inside.

The same thing the next night, (except for the dream, the dream that morning was about a giraffe/typewriter/guitar hybrid)

And the same this morning at 1:30- luckily i was still out-and-about when it went off so i wasn't startled awake but the idea is the same-- I DON"T LIKE FIRE ALARMS

And every morning as we go back inside coach schuler says "your in the army now boys"

It reminds me that eric (my brother in law who just enlisted in the air force) is probably doing that same thing for real. Except he expects it. And he is getting yelled at. And he is in the military, not a junior college. And he is wearing a uniform not ripped jeans and a frown. And he signed up for that. Ok so its completely different.

So, in conclusion: Fire alarms-bad.


My friend caitlyn watching a drug bust go down behind her house- kinda awesome.

The guys in the dorm next to me probably beng the ones who are getting busted for drugs-kinda priceless.

Reading the weird, angry unrhymed rantings in a mideval style penned by a skinny white kid who attends the fine institution that is EAC- not something you though you were gonna be doing when you woke up this moning.


The Tanner and Bryan Experience said...

You have a gift Race.

Kates said...

Oh Racer, you need more of these posts more often. They are awesome. Sorry about the fire alarm. At least there really wasn't a fire. Acutally maybe you want that place to burn down. Can't wait to see you next week. And almost happy birthday!

Lora said...

Well one good thing comes from living in Nellie always have good stories to tell your grandkids.

Kathleen said...

Another great post! Sorry about the fire alarms but getting up at 5:00 am? HA! I've been up for a full hour by then. You're burning daylight boy!!!

Smiths said...

You're a gem, ya know that?

Smiths said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Tanner and Bryan Experience said...

Plus, the baseball players started calling me Peter Pan today. I think they meant it as an insult but I think it's actually kind of cool

Rylee said...

you really do have a gift racer. i absolutely love to read your posts, even when they are about your stinky dorm life.

Chelsee said...

What...? I don't think I am smart enough to read this!

Jayderaid said...

HAHAHAHAHA oh my lanta. I've been camping in the desert for a week with no race humor and it almost killed me, but this post made up for it all. Your hilarious. BTW Peter Pan is surely a cool thing to be called.

Karen Martin said...

A) Your weird.
B) You're weird.
C) Your in the army now.
D) You're in the army now.
E) B & D only
F) None of the above.
G) B only, directed to the author of
this comment.

See, isn't this fun??!!

Karen Martin said...

That was Bryan not me commenting on YOU'RE blog. Hehe.

Mamma Martin said...

What kind of a family is this???? I have laughed myself silly!! And---Happy Birthday!! We love you!!

Jann said...

I read this out loud to Uncle James, and tears were streaming down my face because I was laughing so hard. We both loved it. Happy
belated birthday! I hope you had a great one.