Tuesday, October 4, 2011

The 4 little uteri that could...

I understand that the majority of people who visit my blog are not my immediate family members. Because of that, I will offer a quick recap of my family tree:

First off, here is my oldest sister named Katie. She is the one on the right.

This is sister number 2, Rylee. She is (probably) (currently) my 4th least favorite sister.

Chelsee, number 3. She is the 'non-existent' one.

Markee, number 4. She's the crazy one.

Each of them is a wife. Each of them is a mother. But today I ask you...have they done enough?

Have they done enough to bring joy into my life? I'll be the first to admit that they have brought SOME joy to my life. On a joy scale of 1 to 10 they have brought me 10. Their names are:

  1. Mary-Kate

  2. Ryder

  3. Camdyn

  4. Lowee

  5. Layne

  6. Nash

  7. Peyton

  8. Davis

  9. Charlee

  10. Ezra
Once again I ask: Is it enough? Is it America?

I am here to give the answer. It is NOT enough.

Some may accuse me of being selfish. Other still might say it's none of my business. But the following mathematical equation should help us all to understand:

ninos + uncle race > everything else in the world

That was approved by science.

Now, I'm sure all the sisters will have separate excuses. For instance:

Katie: I'm reaching the age where child bearing is no longer physically possible.
Me: Katie, you are old but you still have some kids under your belt (pun)

Rylee: I just had a baby. I'm the last on the candidates list.
Me: Man up, this is my happiness we are talking about.

Chelsee: (inaudible meek whisper)
Me: I don't care if your current children are monsters! They are cute monsters!

Markee: But the next one might come out looking like me instead of its daddy.
Me: Thats not a....ok actually that is a pretty legit excuse.

If my sisters would stop being so selfish and start being a little more fertile, my life would be even greater than it currently is.

I would go instantly to an 11 on a scale of 10.

But really sisters this is a tribute to you and your uteri. You are good moms and your kids are highly cute.

My conclusion is that if you have the ability to produce such precious ninos, you have the RESPONSIBILITY to produce precious ninos.


  1. The privilege of naming the munchkin after me. Race if its a boy and Raciena if its a girl.

  2. I will give your big pregnant feet a massage at any point during your gestation. Limit one massage per pregnancy.

  3. I will personally buy you whatever psychotic food you may be craving during said pregnancy (tuna and ice cream, pickle and peanut butter sandwiches etc.). This of course only applies if you live in the same city that I live in. Which none of you do :)

Now get crackin!


Chelsee said...

I laughed so hard. Yes I do have cute monsters...3 might put me right over the edge

Kates said...

This is your oldest sister speaking.....I think you should bring a "new" sister into the bunch and work on your own ninos.

Kates said...

PS. If I don't win this new competition you have brought on then my uteri is spent :)

Rylee said...

laughing so hard right now i'm crying. thanks for putting me last on the list! i will remember that when its time to name my next child.
and don't take katie's advice, i'm not ready for you to get married yet!


hahahaha race davis! you make me laugh sooo hard

Kathleen said...

What a way to start my day!!!!! so so so so so funny!

Markee said...

OK I laughed SO SO hard! But for some reason I don't feel like any of the things you wrote about me were compliments?!! :) This was awesome Race, but I need at least another year :)

The Storyteller said...

Nice blog.Keep it up.

SUKARATU blog said...

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Tanya Soffen said...

Demanding your sisters to have children huh? Made me laugh reminds me of my Mom and how my brother has one (and one on the way) and my sister has one (also with one on the way) and my Mom is like TANYA ITS YOUR TURN... I'm thinking god I'm not even married... what the hell woman. Then again I think about the immense joy I get out of my nephew and niece so I can totally see your argument ^_^ Cheers.

Sean and Janet Eyring said...

So I'm a new reader, but really an old family member (one of Uncle Merdy's grandsons). This was seriously funny stuff. And I voted for you to win a Kindle just so you know.