I am not the gym type, and today was my first day.
While getting ready this morning I realized just how unprepared I was. My tennis shoes were stolen in Guatemala so I was forced to take some of my brother's old shoes.
The shoes I borrowed are the fancy basketball kind, which made me feel like I was in "Larry Bird Mode". And as much as I like to dominate on the gridiron (that's the basketball court right?) I was just looking to go to the gym.
But as I sat down to put on the shoes I realized one of the laces was missing. I was forced to replace it with the lace from my brown dress shoes. Now if that doesn't say "skilled athlete" I don't know what does.
Once at the gym I started using some of the machines and getting my cardio on. I still, however felt out of place. All of the other people in the gym looked like they came all the time; they had the clothes, they knew the machines and each other. You could tell they felt comfortable working out at the EAC wellness center. I knew I fit in the least.
I am a list person. I like to rank things to keep them clear in my mind. For instance:
INDIANA JONES MOVIES IN ORDER OF AWESOMENESS
- The Last Crusade
- Raiders of the Lost Ark
- Temple of Doom
- The stupid alien one
MY SISTERS IN ORDER OF HOW MUCH I FEAR THEM
THINGS I WOULD BRING WITH ME IF I WERE DESERTED ON AN ISLAND
- A boat
WEBSITES I LOVE TO VISIT
THINGS I WOULD RATHER DO THAN TAKE A MATH CLASS
- Get a cold sore
- Get a paper cut
- Get a paper cut on my cold sore
- Receive a wedgie every hour, on the hour, all semester from Dr. Phil.
- Contract the shingles
That is just how I like to think, and as I sat on my exercise bike this morning, watching the Price is Right (I miss Bob Barker by the way), breathing heavily and trying to keep my shorts from riding up the only list I could think up was:
PEOPLE WHO LOOK LIKE THEY BELONG IN THIS GYM
- Every person here
And then it happened.
A man walked in, got on the machine next to me and began workin his little muscles.
This would normally be of no consequence, except this man was wearing jeans, loafers, a braided leather belt and a polo (tucked into the jeans, of course).
I don't really know why he would come to the gym to do a workout dressed like that, but he did.
And because he did I instantly felt better. Below is a visual depiction of the effects.
Thanks you, confused middle-aged man. Your wardrobe gaffe has engendered confidence in this bosom.