Sunday, September 22, 2013

Interstice is the Worstest (that rhymes)

Where are the words? None to be found. I have returned to the realm of blogging, and I shall leave it at that.

I must thank Tanner Gilliland of tannerandbryan.blogspot.com for the inspiration to take pen in hand again. Tanner, you are to me what the $5 Hot and Ready was to Little Caesars; that which rescued from what seemed an imminent shutting-down. Head over to his blog for more laughs than you will find here.

Today's post will be another trip to "Let's Laugh at Race's Poor Decisions/Misfortunes-ville", with a detour through "Embarrassing Moment-land". But we'll get to that in a moment.

I am now married, a state I was not in when I last posted on the Brigham Yog. The young lady I married has been my girlfriend/fiancée for the last 2 years. In that time she has never been mentioned by name on this blog, and has apparently been bitter about it since the first date. Let us rectify that now:

Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie Julie

Anyway, now that I am married to whats-her-name I am officially a hitched horse.

I was under the impression that engaging in the bonds of Holy Matressmoney would change my life, but I had no idea that it would give me superpowers.

Superpower A: Opinion Shifting

 I have discovered that my ability to change opinions has expanded drastically. One moment I want to put mustard in the tuna for lunch, and in the blink of an eye I find out that I actually DO NOT want to put mustard in that thing.

When the day begins I of the firm conviction that I want to buy a blue-checkered shirt, yet ere the sun goes down I have found out that in fact I am NOT going to wear that shirt.

I am getting good that this superpower. My flip-flopping ability is related to the next superpower.

Superpower 2: Code Talking

When the wedding bells began to chime, a respected adult friend of mine told me about the code of the women. He illustrated with examples like this:

"Is that a Dairy Queen?"

Woman code interpretation:

"Pull over and get us some Dilly Bars"

or

"It looks like that light bulb in the bathroom died"

=

"I want you to go change the light bulb in the bathroom".

As the truth behind this man's words have begun to distill upon my soul, I have been shocked at my own ability to decode and respond to this codespeak. It comes in handy.

Now, concerning the promised trip to "Let's Laugh at Race's Misfortunes-ville", let us start now. My readers have long been regaled with stories of shameful workout experiences, unfortunate episodes of fainting, and other less than stellar Race-isms.

Our current story took place in the brand new Provo Rec center.



As is apparent from the photo, it is a high-tech, spiffy new building complete with glass walls, water slides, indoor courts and a rock climbing wall.

JULIE and I went with some friends to a community movie night held in one of the large conference rooms at the rec center. Halfway through the film the banks of my bladder began to flow over, and I excused myself from the group to visit the powder room.

I was strolling nonchalantly through the darkened impromptu theater, when out of nowhere

I ran face first into a plate glass wall. 

Here is a rough approximation of how it must have looked:


After I cleaned up all the blood (and there was a lot of it), and picked up the shattered fragments of my glasses, I decided to snap this pic of what it did to my eyebrow. The scar I have now is not very noticeable.




So it appears that I have not gained the superpower of walking through walls.









3 comments:

Rachel said...

I am extremely pleased that I married into the Reece family so that we could be pseudo-related. You're very clever...so please continue to post more smile-inducing reads.

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Creator said...

Nice post and international standard also.Congrats.E2solar Franchesie